With The Knife
by Darkness of life
Summary: A Tsukasa angst fic...he believes that his friends....(....just read instead....don't want to spoil it)


Darkness:...well first of all I'd like to say that I was very depressed when I wrote this fic....as you know this is a Tsukasa angst fic...  
  
I also want to say that I don't own .hack//SIGN or any of its characters and I also don't own the song "With this Knife" who is owned  
  
by the group Smile Empty Soul....  
  
____________________________________________________________________________________  
  
-  
  
-  
  
-  
  
-  
  
-  
  
-  
  
-  
  
-  
  
-  
  
-  
  
-  
  
-  
  
-  
  
-  
  
-  
  
-  
  
-  
  
-  
  
-  
  
-  
  
-  
  
-  
  
-  
  
-  
  
-  
  
With This Knife  
  
"....why don't you leave...no one wants you here...."  
  
"...stop ruining our lives...."  
  
"....we were only friends with you out of pity...."  
  
"....why don't you go die...."  
  
Tsukasa looked at Mimiru, Subaru, Bear, BT, Sora, and Crim with tears running down the sides of his face, "...you d...you don't mean that....you can't....you can't..."  
  
Mimiru walked forward and shoved him back, "....why would we want to be friends with someone thats not even real...."  
  
Looking at the ground He shook his head..."...I am real....I...I am...I am real...."  
  
I let myself fall into a lie  
  
I let my walls come down  
  
I let myself smile and feel alive  
  
I let my walls come down  
  
No matter how I try I don't know why  
  
You push so far away  
  
You wrapped your hands tight around my heart  
  
and squeezed it full of pain  
  
Subaru smirked while looking at him, "....is that true?....then where is your real body....you don't even know what you are...or what you want....you are nothing...."  
  
Bear sighed while crossing his arms over his chest, "....I had such high hopes for you....you really are a disappointment...."  
  
".....I...I'm sorry...."  
  
Jumping forward Sora put his kataras up to the grey haired wavemaster's neck, "....you know we only wanted you around so we would be able to get the Key of the Twilight....we haven't been able to find it at all so we don't need you anymore at all....you are nothing now....you have no purpose....."  
  
Bt put her staff out in front of her and pointed it to him, "....you were only a tool so we could further advance in our goals...."  
  
Leaning against his spear Crim looked right into Tsukasa's eyes, "...that is true....with your help we have gotten stronger....now there really is no use for you...."  
  
Falling onto his knee's Tsukasa put his hands on the ground while a small puddle of tears formed on the ground where his tear drops hit, "....n...no...I.... am not some sort of tool...I am....I am something....I do have a real body...and....and I do...I do have a purpose...."  
  
With this knife I'll cut out the part of me  
  
the part that cares for you  
  
with this knife I'll cut out the heart of me  
  
the heart that cares for you  
  
Tsukasa sat down on inside of the church in Hidden Forbidden Holy Ground. Tears still ran down his eyes as he pulled his knees up to his chest, "...I was a fool....how could I ever believe that they wanted to be my friends...they just wanted to use me...just to get that stupid Key of the Twilight...they never cared about me at all...I let them get close to me...and they hurt me...I...I cared about them...and...and they did this...they betrayed me."  
  
Tears again began to slowly roll down the Tsukasa's cheeks as he sobbed, "...I...I knew...I knew I couldn't trust anyone...I knew it...I knew....I...wont go near anyone every again....I wont...I wont."  
  
Out of the corners of his eyes Tsukasa saw a blade and slowly grabbed it with his hand shaking, "...o...one of the twinblade weapons that I kept to sell....maybe its true what they say.....I...I don't have a purpose....I don't have a meaning for living...."  
  
I can't believe the way you took me down  
  
I never saw the pain  
  
coming in a million broken miles  
  
like poison in my veins  
  
With his hands still shaking Tsukasa slowly brought the knife up to the front of his face and watched in fascination how the light reflected out of the cold steel. The tears kept slowly running down his face as he looked up seeing the cloud through the clear ceiling of the church.  
  
His body began to shake with fear as he held the knife close to himself.  
  
With this knife I'll cut out the part of me  
  
the part that cares for you  
  
with this knife I'll cut out the heart of me  
  
the heart that cares for you  
  
Pulling up his brown sleeve his slowly began to press the blade against his wrist. Pulling the blade up slightly he noticed a small faint red mark. Again he pressed the blade against his wrist but slowly he pressed harder and harder as it slowly cut through his pale flesh. Blood instantly began to run slowly down his hand, tainting his fingerless glove a dark crimson. Closing his eyes Tsukasa felt a mixture of pain and pleasure from the cut.  
  
with this knife I'll cut out the part of me  
  
the part that cares for you  
  
with this knife I'll cut out the heart me of me  
  
the heart that cares for you  
  
Grabbing the blade with his bloody hand he began to press it against his other wrist. Pulling the blade back slightly against the skin it easily slid open his wrist. Blood ran down in small trails down his wrist onto the palm of his hand. Looking down at his palm Tsukasa watched as a tear drop landed in the crimson puddle. He again pulled up his shirt sleeves running the blade up his arms making more blood slowly run out from the cuts. Closing his eyes he winced, "...i...its better this way...they...they wont ever have to see me again...ever..."  
  
the hate and the fear  
  
the nightmares that wake me up  
  
in tears  
  
the nightmares and the hate...  
  
Tsukasa pulled the blade up pressing it against his neck feeling pleasure from the stinging sensation. He then pressed the blade harder against his neck, a massive amount of blood ran down his neck onto his chest. He smiled slightly as blood began to run down the corner of his lips. Tsukasa closed his eyes slightly and held the blade in front of himself as his vision began to blur, "....I...I wont have to feel pain again....I...I'm glad...finally...I...I'm happy...."  
  
Pointing the tip against his chest he quickly pulled the knife forward. The knife cut through his skin and flesh quickly as the tip hit his head. Using the last ounce of his strength he pulled the knife out making blood instantly run out of the fresh wound. Gasping he could feel the crimson liquid fill his lungs making him barely able to breath, "...I...I'm glad......"  
  
Tsukasa's body fell to the side as a smile still traced his bloody lips. A voice was heard around the church, "....now that he is dead he can never get in my way again....I'm sorry I had to trick you into thinking your friends had betrayed you...but it is too late for that now...goodbye my dead Tsukasa...."  
  
....and the fear  
  
the nightmares that wake me up  
  
in tears  
  
the nightmares and the hate...  
  
Not being able to find Tsukasa for the past few days Mimiru, Subaru, Bear, Bt, Crim, and Even Sora searched and finally decided to go to Hidden Forbidden Holy Ground. Seeing a trail of crimson they followed it. Sora's eyes widened as his arms dropped to his sides. Wondering what Sora had seen Bear and Crim walked over and stood there quiet with there eyes. Bt, Mimiru, and Subaru walked over as well and they immediately stepped back as Mimiru held a hand to her mouth while Subaru quickly walked forward and turned the body over seeing Tsukasa, "...OH MY GOD!...."  
  
There in front of her vision laid a bloody tsukasa who's smile hadn't disappeared at all yet. Clenched in his right hand was the blade he had used on himself....  
  
....and the fear  
  
the nightmares that wake me up  
  
in tears  
  
the nightmares and the hate...  
  
-  
  
-  
  
-  
  
-  
  
-  
  
-  
  
-  
  
-  
  
-  
  
-  
  
-  
  
-  
  
-  
  
-  
  
-  
  
-  
  
-  
  
-  
  
-  
  
-  
  
-  
  
-  
  
-  
  
______________________________________________________________________________  
  
Darkness:...like I said I was very depressed when I wrote this fic....and if you hadn't guessed it by now  
  
it was morgana that tricked tsukasa....I may right a sequel to this but maybe this is better left off how   
  
it is now.... 


End file.
